Today is the feast day of St. John the Apostle and Evangelist. Cajetan is named after St. John, this beloved apostle.



https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-john-the-apostle/



Reading 11 JN 1:1-4
Beloved:
What was from the beginning,
what we have heard,
what we have seen with our eyes,
what we looked upon
and touched with our hands
concerns the Word of life—
for the life was made visible;
we have seen it and testify to it
and proclaim to you the eternal life
that was with the Father and was made visible to us—
what we have seen and heard
we proclaim now to you,
so that you too may have fellowship with us;
for our fellowship is with the Father
and with his Son, Jesus Christ.
We are writing this so that our joy may be complete.

Basically: We have seen the good Lord, and we can say He is True. It is proclaimed so that we may join Him and our joy will be complete. So perfectly appropriate for Christmas time. ❤️️

merry christmas: a savior is born

Merry Christmas all!

It's been a while since I've written anything: but I have been very busy and wished I could've shared a million thoughts by now.  First, Christmas has begun, and the year is almost at an end.  I don't even know where to start. I post quite a bit of my thoughts on Facebook, so it's difficult to keep up my blog, sometimes. I apologize. I've absorbed quite a bit lately from Mass and the messages I've received..... I would have to say, my most challenging item right now is accepting God's desire to challenge me.  My son, Nathan is having a less severe flare up of his Crohns right now, but it's all the same: a flare up, and this requires a lot of care. It's exhausting and overwhelming. Sebastian started preschool back in November, and his special ed class is wonderful. He loves "school". I am excited to share some of the cute things he's done while there. I have an easier way now of posting shorter thoughts now, so I will try to keep Up on blog posts better. I will leave you all with this, for now. And I will share a little more VERY soon. ❤️

 

Part 2- Nathan Paul

Next in my series on Suffering Being an Honor....

Holy Motherhood! *So let there be children!*#links ( <=== Part 1 is here)

I know it sounds insane.  Why on earth would anyone call suffering an honor?  Most of our society believes that no one should have to suffer, and while that may be true in a way, we must remember as it is a result of our sinfulness, it is also how the broken and damned are redeemed: how? through Jesus Christ.  What He did on Calvary washed clean all those who ruined perfectness.  But how does that apply to us? Why is our suffering important at all and why does it matter for good? I'm going to explain, so don't worry, haha.

My first in this series was mostly about what happened last year with the hospitalization of my youngest baby boy, Cajetan. He was 4.5 weeks old and ended up in a hospital out of state because its the hospital closest to where we were vacationing.  He was treated for meningitis, and what an ordeal that was.  Finally, we arrived home and just as was getting my life back together, what do you know, another test from the Good Lord was imminent.  Not to mention, a friend's precious baby boy had just recently passed away the month before and I had about had enough.  It was time for God to give me a break- so *I* thought. 

We arrived home in September 2015, and late to begin our homeschooling year.  I was an anxious mess. How do you make up for 3-4 weeks of homeschooling? It was overwhelming.  I finally got my routine back into some kind of order, (other moms know what I mean, here, right? What order?!), and November 30 rolls around, and time for Nathan's routine colonoscopy.  As some of you know, a week after my dad passed away in March 2014, we realized Nathan was very ill.  He was diagnosed in May (finally) with what we suspected (worse actually) all along. He was diagnosed with moderate Crohns disease at age 8.  My husband took him a few hours away to the specialists, and then we heard the worst.  His Crohns after 2 years, was worse.  it was elevated to severe, and the colonoscopy had to be stopped early because of bleeding that began during the procedure.  The news we were hoping NOT to hear came.  He was being hospitalized.  I JUST thought I was getting our homeschooling back in order and - again- a disruption. 2 months into recovery form the last hospital visit, and yet, again, hello hospital.  My heart sank.  I was angry.  I told the Lord I cannot have this right now.  I told Him that this was not good timing.  I told him I have a zillion things to handle already, and I can't take anymore. I felt His words in my heart, "But I am asking you to."

So, because I believe that all things come from God, even our chances to show our commitment to whatever He asks of us, I submitted. AGAIN. I asked Him to help me, because He must know something I don't. He knows there is a lesson I will learn, and how could I not want to learn from Him?  Of course, friends and family come around to help, which is amazing.  It's like watching God mobilize His amazing army into position, wherever He needs them positioned.  And then I was comforted knowing He had this because I could SEE what he was taking care of. 

.... but, what I wanted Him to take care of was Nathan. I wanted Him to heal his Crohns. I wanted to see and hear that my boy could be normally happy again. I wanted to see him happy to not have the symptoms he seems to have had forever, to finally be gone. I wanted him HEALED.  I was desperate. It was torturous to watch him suffer while I wasn't.  * I leaned on Our Lady again, because I knew she knew my pain.  I know she knew the same feelings I was feeling. I knew she wanted the things I wanted for my boy. But, I also had to resign myself from controlling the situation.  He was in God's plan, not mine. I had to release him to God's Will. And pray.

It is almost the worst thing a mom can see.  Seeing your children suffering so and unable to do nothing.  Waiting on God is all one momma can do, and hoping He hears our prayers and pleas.  It was hard to watch Nathan have to fast for 4 days.  He was on IVs but that didn't help his tummy not feel starving. It was called a bowel rest.  He had to get up several times in the night to go to the bathroom.  It was hard to sleep.  I stayed with Nathan the whole time except for the weekend when Maynard (my husband) stayed so I could have a break, since I stayed at the hospital with a 4 month old baby while I was with Nathan. It was rough. I had the stroller, the pack and play, but I can only leave the rest to your creative imagination.

There were times I had to leave the room so I could eat, which was hard because I felt so guilty.  If I wasn't nursing too, I could've fasted I thought, with Nathan, but I had Cajetan to care for too.  I developed a sore throat and cold like lung bug.  Seeing Nathan not being able to eat was very hard.  He complained sometimes of being so hungry and then would ask me, "Mom, when can I eat? How long before I can eat?"
It's something that we take for granted so often because it's so easy to do.  Simply to eat. I know when I am hungry, it hurts. All I could do was imagine what he was feeling, not being able to satisfy his hunger. MY heart was breaking.
So I had to gently tell Nathan, "Soon.  But offer it up to God, Nathan, the way Jesus did." 
We are suppose to be like Him, right?
"We can offer up your suffering for those who do  not love Him. He chose you.  He chose you because He made you with something that makes you strong enough to do it. You can give this all to Him.  Keep being strong. You can do it."


All the words I could say I prayed would help us be stronger in the situation. I told Nathan as I cried that I wish he didn't have to suffer.  I wish he could  be like his brothers.  I wish that he could eat whatever he wanted. I wish he didn't stop growing for the last two years. I told him that I don't know why God was asking him to bear this. I told him that I DO know its because He loves him, and that he can help Jesus save souls and bring glory to God's Holy Name. 

You know what he told me? He said something close to this, "I wish sometimes that I didn't have Crohns, but I am happy to have it so I can offer this suffering up. I want to help the souls."

*TISSUES PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!* 

(He also mentioned to me that it was ok if I go eat because, "maybe tomorrow I will get to eat.")

VIRTUE.  This is why I KNOW and believe in redemptive suffering. This is how I KNOW and believe it is an honor, because, GOD gets the FULL glory.  Every time.  This little boy shocked me.  I couldn't believe that in all this time, *I* was the one complaining more than he was about his condition.  *I* was the one angry he had Crohns. *I* was the one upset that it was disrupting our lives. It took me to being in that hospital, in that room, at that very moment, crying with my child, to realize that I needed to EMBRACE this cross with Nathan, the way that Our Lord did. I needed to submit to His plan. I didn't want Crohns to run our life anymore.

I realize that I needed to look upon Nathan the way I look upon Sebastian.  That "These light, momentary afflictions are preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." 2 Cor.4:17.

I needed to accept it. I finally could.  But I prayed more. We blessed Nathan with St. Raphael's oil, prayed novenas, and blessed him with special holy water from Turkey from a shrine of Our Lady.  Family visited him throughout the ten days he was there at the hospital. He improved some (although he was still going to have to be on Humira injections), was on prednisone for a while, and I had successful discussion about his diet with the dieticians.

We were able to come home, and watch him improve everyday.  We watched him become a happy active boy again, the first time since his diagnosis (2 years).  In March, we visited the Shrine of Saint John Neumann in Philadelphia.  This is where he begged St. John Neumann for his prayers that he would be completely healed if he could be, with such child-like faith. To my surprise, it was only then at his March appointment afterwards, that I heard the best news ever in two years.  His bloodwork showed amazing results like that of never before since his diagnosis. I was driving when the Dr. called, so I had to pull over as soon as I could to cry.  His anemia was completely gone. His hemoglobin was great. EVERYTHING was greatly improved.  I know for sure it was God's Blessing.  I don't know for sure how much of it was the massive overhaul of his diet changes and supplements,  or just the Humira. But I do know that the Humira wasn't working for two months prior to making changes. And I believe St. John Neumann's prayers helped. 

It's an amazing story, yes.  Nathan will always use your prayers, because we do pray for healing. Complete healing.  We are working with his doctor to venture into whatever can help him naturally, but the Humira will not be out anytime soon.  He is still very happy and healthy.  He is a great witness to me of virtue, and perseverance, and joyful suffering.  He reminds me of how I should be. 

Nathan running track again-finally- July 2016

So, be strong if you are suffering.  I'm sure your stories are being written.  Let the Lord take the glory that is His. He has chosen you for your strength and commitment that He knows He gave you.  And pray, pray, pray for the grace to overcome these trials with joy.

J.M.J.

Thank you, Serenity Joy

The greatest test for a mother.

The worst tragedy you can image. What it is? I mean, as a mom?

Is it running late for an important event? Getting juice spilled on you from your toddler's leaking sippy cup because in you're in a hurry and you didn't screw the lid on right? Is it finding a rip in your skirt after you arrived to an outing for a special party? How about your husband doing something you least expected at a time when you were not ready for it? A car accident? A sick child in the hospital? Or a complete utter surprise that will forever change the picture of your family? Like a death of a child?

I think the latter pretty much sums up what we moms are most afraid of.  All these other things are merely nonsense, even though they don't seem to be at the moment.  Imagine the last night you put your baby to bed. The last kiss you gave her that she returned with a smile. The last time you read his favorite book.  Or perhaps the last time you had to discipline this little disciple. Most often, we don't take the time to consider that any of these things are actually the last time we do anything with these little people.  However, for some, it is.  And most often, they are taken for granted. 

Why is my post so depressing today you wonder? I have crossed a milestone marker in my life as a mom.  *I* have NOT lost a child.  But, I have had it come too close to home in a couple of friends in the exact past year.  Most recently, just last week, actually.  This little girl's death had hit me hard, and for a number of reasons.  Keep in mind, that I have never asked God, "Why?!" until yesterday.  I guess this is where WISDOM comes from.  All these events that rock our lives in the unexpected way.  This precious little angel at age 6, had Down Syndrome and was a beam of light to all those who knew her.  She was from a family of 12 children.  Her parents are faithful Christians and live with the Eternal Hope. She was found, tragically, drowned; an accident with heartbreaking outcome. When I heard this, all I could picture was her mother holding her like in the movies, babe in arms, dripping wet, screaming out all the life that her baby ever brought into her life. I was crushed. I was so incredibly torn to pieces.  This is what I imagined I would do if I was her.  Do I know the exact details, no. Did I ask, of course not.  But, either way, the horrid storm of storms began.  And so the greatest test of mothers ever to be had. Many of the following thoughts are what crossed my mind as I waited in the calling hours line to give my condolences to the family. 

The Blessed Virgin Mother, Mary, the Mother of Jesus.... had to endure being engulfed by the ginormous wave of weakness and heartache too.  She had to endure the test of her human nature, will, and submission to God. Giving her own Son up for sacrifice on that holy cross for us. She had to watch him suffer a tragic death. And she COULD NOT STOP IT. She could not keep Him, for He was not Hers anymore to keep. I imagine that in the movie, The Passion of the Christ, at the moment He perished, it was fitting for her to drop the sand from her hand as if the life of her was gone, after so tightly squeezing her fists in anxiety and sorrow, is what I would also feel to hear the words, "He is gone."

My connection to this precious family is from a few angles. The most prominent one is that the Mrs. and myself share something in common: both of our children have Down Syndrome. This makes the death of Serenity Joy somewhat personal to me, as the faces of our children are so similar.  The death of any child is traumatic and rough, but I have to add that the extra chromosome means you are loosing something extra special too, when that child passes on.  It makes it a little different, not harder, but different, I'd imagine. This little girl was a perfect angel /gift/light/saint from God.  The joy that the smiles of her face bring are irresistible and healing almost.  I know this because I have a child who does the same for me, for us. I cannot imagine loosing Sebastian.  I cannot fathom the loneliness and the dreariness of the day without him. And with that, my heart is aching for Cindy and Dave.  I know the sort of things they are dreading to miss in Serenity.  I know that fear of the heartache after things settle down.... or seem to settle down.  The nuances of the everyday and the responses from the baby girl they wont hear or see anymore are terrifying.  It isn't fair that God took her.  She was too young. We ALL still needed her. 

We all need Jesus and Our Lady this way.  We cannot live, breathe, hope or experience true joy without them.  Serenity's life teaches me so many lessons that I didn't realize that I could learn from, even as a mom.  Her Down Syndrome reminds me how wonderful this extra chromosome is, and how sad it is that so many like her and Sebastian are wiped from the life they deserve through abortion.  If only people and mothers could know what they would miss! I have shed tears, and tears over this great loss of life.  I hope that God will help me to sort out all the lessons I am to learn from this event. I still ache for her life.  I didn't want this news to be real.

Photo used with permission from the McCarthy family

Today at Mass, Deacon Dean prayed for Serenity Joy.  I posted on Facebook my thoughts of the day.  I reminded Serenity's dad that she will be their cheerleader in Heaven, and he told me that she was nicknamed "Pom Pom".  How sweet.  I hugged my friends.  I saw Sebastian's little features in the features of the few others with Downs at the church.

From my Facebook post:

Its just unbelievable. The rain. On today. My heart sinks like an anchor from a boat in the midst of a storm. The winds have blown. The excitedness of the shock wears down. And what is left? The brokenness of the ship somehow remains afloat and carries on by Gods Miracle. The passenger departed becomes the angel guiding the crew to safety.... the passenger somehow becomes the intercessor at the crews request. She is a champion for those she leaves behind. God will not turn His Merciful ears away from such a champion. I will see her face everyday in the face of my boy. Her name means the calm after this storm. Peace returns. Serenity is all that remains. And Gods Glory is victorious in the hearts of all those who knew this little champion on this ship. Fly away and kiss the face of the Holy Captain, dear sweet Serenity. 😇😇😇😇

                                                                  ******

Today at Mass, one of the readings were from Hebrews12:5-7, 11-13

To sum it up, "Those whom the Lord loves, he disciplines."

Why would this be relevant?  Because to discipline literally means to train up; to make disciples.  Every good Christian I know believes that God is refining us through our trials. 

From this scripture, it says,

 "So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees. Make straight paths for your feet, that what is lame may not be disjoined, but healed."

This is my encouragement for all my moms and friends weak from loosing a child, or even suffering with the ailments your children are suffering.  It is what Our Lady had to do.  The late Mother Angelica also reminds us, "Suffering without love, is wasted pain." So, we give this heartache and all these tears and all this pain to God that He will use it to bring more souls to Himself, which will bring His Glory.

Also remember what St. James the Apostle reminds us of in James 1:2, "Count it all joy." It is hard to do.  I know its hard.  But we are encouraged to FIND it anyhow.  And we will.  We must just cling to God and the tender love of Jesus.

Oh, my dear, dear, precious friends.  How I wish I could do something more than what I can do to help ease your pain.  I am here for you.  The Lord is hear for you.  Rest your tired and sore hearts upon his flaming Heart of Love. Serenity is waiting for you to know Him the way she does now.  May God's Blessing flow out to you, today, tomorrow and each day to come.  All my prayers and love.  xo

To God be the Glory! And in this storm, know that the calm will come.

 

 

 

 
 
 

Part 1- Cajetan: Suffering & It Being an Honor?

             

Part 1- Cajetan

Well, I guess I will start with the above quote. It may have some of you wondering what on earth St. Ignatius is even talking about. But when I am finished with this series of posts, I hope you will find it clear.  I chose this one because it resonated with part of my life in 2015.  2015 was an amazing year, and actually, as the New Year approached, with the 12 o'clock hour near, for the first time I felt a gut punch. . . like I didn't want to say goodbye to 2015.  It was kind of weird.  I tried for a moment to think of WHY I felt that way, and perhaps the biggest reason was I felt I was going farther and farther away from my dad.  Its all in my head, but, still, it means more and more time has gone by since I have last been in his presence. I also haven't had a chance to visit his grave much since August, and I miss him. 

How is it an honor to suffer, and suffer for GOD? I will have to elaborate on this one in a few posts.

In September, I chose to take a trip south to visit my uncle and aunt, and took my 13 year old, Thad, and baby boys, Sebastian, 2, and Cajetan, (our newest addition in July!).  Cajetan was causing me some concern with his health, as I suspected something along the lines of a UTI, but no fever came through, and it left me confused.   I took him to the Drs. before I left, but that turned out merely a waste of my time, and within 4 days into our vacation, he was hospitalized out of state and treated for meningitis.  Much to my shock already, I had no idea how I was to handle such an ordeal with vacationing with two of my other kids, and being stuck in a hospital for 2 weeks.  Long story short, God is GOOD, and family is priceless.  Everything worked out just fine, and after 3 and half weeks away from home, and my other kids and husband, (who was about on his knees begging to have me home!), we were reunited.  What a crazy way to start off our fall/autumn, and not to mention homeschooling.

See, while I was sitting in yet another hospital, WITH another BABY, God had taught me again, in another lesson, that could have only been arranged by Him.  This is where I had much to learn.  I'd like to go back to that hospital room with my new baby Cajetan.  At 5 weeks old, he was IV'd, and in a little crib, under a heat lamp, and I was in a mess.  My first thoughts were of despair, of course, because all I could think about was how my aunt and uncle were going to juggle my boys' vacation time without me too.  I was so overwhelmed. Cajetan's stay was going to take us an extra week into September that my plane ticket wasn't set for.  Deep down, with my previous experiences with Sebastian, I KNEW -- I just KNEW-- we were going to have to stay the full 14 days, and that all tests the Drs. wanted done to rule this and that out, were going to come up unable to get us out of that hospital.  And before anything else happened, I would feel the Holy Spirit, pressing (like with a heavy weight) on my heart, and feeling the urge to accept whatever happened to me, and to Cajetan.  It was rough, but it did get worse before it got better for my young but experienced mother's heart. 

See, when we first got transferred from one hospital to the Children's hospital, his fever had gone down very quickly.  And I was tired.  The nurses came in as always to check on him before they could let us sleep uninterrupted, every now and again, until he was stabilized.  well, his core body temp had fallen. It fell too low.  Like, it was time to hurry and get that body temp back up before it got worse and something bad happened.  They brought in socks.  They brought in so many blankets.  And then they ran out to come in with a heat lamp.  While I was waiting for the heat lamp, I took my baby all heavily wrapped with cords- once again- all over my baby, and began to pray.  I have never been so concerned for one of my kids as I was with Cajetan.  I hadn't ever had a need to be scared and concerned for even Sebastian, before.  Touching his face, and his forehead, it was so cool.  He was cold.  I couldn't even begin to think WHY that was happening.  I thought of a friend who just the month before lost her little 19 month old.  I CANNOT GO THROUGH THAT.  I CANNOT DO WHAT SHE DID. I AM ALONE, HERE, WITHOUT MY HUSBAND AND REST OF MY FAMILY, LORD.  I was shaking, and had nothing to do but WAIT on GOD. 

Has anyone ever had to literally WAIT on GOD?  It can be gut-wrenching.  It can be like walking on eggshells, because you never know how things will unfold, and all the while, you are trying to have the Faith St. Peter had while he was walking on the water with JESUS.  And it often feels like He isn't working fast enough.  I had so many things going through my mind that night.  Like, WHAT IF THE WORST HAPPENS AND I HAVE TO CALL MY FAMILY BEARING AWFUL NEWS?  Seriously.  YOU WILL THINK THOSE THINGS, even in the midst of trying to keep your faith super-doubt-repelled. I called my husband, crying that I didn't want to go through another hospital stay with my baby, and he prayed with me over the phone which was so very comforting, and then began to pray myself over Cajetan.  Begging God to raise Cajetan's body temp, and to not ask anymore from me at that moment, I hoped that the current situation would be all for now, until I could breathe easy for a bit.  It wasn't anymore that 5 minutes later, and after saying the novena to the Infant of Prague, as I had been constantly touching and rubbing Cajetan's head and face to feel warmth, finally like a blast I could feel him warm up.  I began balling so quickly at that touch, and felt so comforted, I felt so embraced and held by God, and I was so thankful.  I was beside myself with how quickly my prayers were heard and answered.  I didn't deserve His mercy.  I didn't deserve His compassion.  I didn't deserve a lot of things....

My heart was flooded with so many things.  So much thinking. In just those moments, He showed me how quickly life can change... and what an honor it truly is to suffer for Him.  I was willing to endure ANYTHING and EVERYTHING necessary for His Glory.  But, it is hard, and I had to lean on him for the sake of my child.  I even thought of Our Lady.  The fear she must have had at the thought of having Jesus taken from her. I thought of how she was told she'd have her heart pierced by a sword, never quite knowing what that would be.  The fear she and Joseph felt upon knowing they had to flee to Egypt, to keep Jesus safe. To add to it, it was the first time I felt nothing was in my control.  THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO to ensure my trip for a vacation would go smoothly while I had to leave my boys to stay in the hospital with the baby.  I begged God to take care of things.  Not to mention the struggle my husband would have at home without me returning on time.  It was a moment of complete surrender.  I tell you, sincerely, that in this moment, I had NEVER been able to SURRENDER as I did in that way.  It was surreal.  It involved that feeling in your stomach, your mind, your heart, and your lungs.  A complete breath out, and final LET GO on a notecard, so-to-speak, that said, "Dear God, You know it all. Take all of this, all of me, because I have no where to turn, no where to go, except to YOU.  Won't you please just handle this for me? And please, give me the grace I need to TRUST that you WILL. Thank you, and AMEN."

>>> To be continued :)

God's Peace be with you in this NEW year of 2016!!! 

Hello to all my followers - my family and friends, and all those who peek into "The Holy Motherhood" blog every now and again.   It has been. . .  a. . . WHILE!  I have so much inside me to share, spill, you name it.  God is GOOD.  He has continued to bless my family yet again this past year, and that is why you have been missing me.  But I am still here. 

Good news coming:  the Holy Motherhood blog will be moving within the next few months as I will be reassigning my encouragements to an actual domain!  In order for this to be successful, I ask that you will share, share, share and pray and like all my posts you receive to your social media, so that other mommas can enjoy the encouragement offered here and join the Holy Motherhood club.  <-- That's a pretty cool name, huh? 

As many of you have probably noticed, I have changed the look of my blog for now, and simplified it, taking away some clutter.  I hope you can navigate easily throughout the blog.  I have a new message of encouragement to share, but I have been online long enough thus far today, and family calls.  Pancakes and eggs for Sunday night dinner.  I will hopefully be back to write a short message later tonight after all the kids are in bed. 



I hope that you all had a very blessed Christmas, and are off to a very special and encouraging New Year.    Here is a tid-bit (my favorites, of course) for you until I come back! :)

MMM- smelling the dinner. . . but check back later! 

God Bless you!  May the Holy Family be with you. 

Margaret