Like with friends and family.... weddings... .. reunions..... parties.... etc?
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| My cousins and I-- I have since chopped my hair! |
Well, I am back, but after a looooong---too long---- break, I suppose. Between raising 8 kids, and throwing in the excitement from having one with special needs, (which btw he is doing FABULOUS- so it kind -of doesn't count), and one with continued trouble with "moderate Crohns" at age 9, a wedding, and travels, and homeschooling all summer--- ick--- yep. I was exhausted and could NOT bring myself to get on the computer when all I really wanted to do was indulge in my own relaxation. ???
It has been quite an eventful Summer and Fall. For sure! My kids have done very well in this year's XC season, and have since, qualified for the 2014 National XC JUNIOR OLYMPICS. I thought that it would be super fun to take them (all the way in SC!), but now I am feeling stressed and RUSHED- above all things- with Christmas. Exactly what I was hoping to avoid. I like to be honest on my blog, because "normal" people aren't perfect, right? We have been having some tough spots this season.
My husband recently left his job with a mega- millions kinda' company to start off on his own.... It has been a leap of Faith. Definitely. No jokes here. We are adjusting to some minor changes, but God has been taking care of the bills, at least. So that is good.
Sebastian (our son with Down's) has been doing so great! He is growing up and is amazing. I will share a video of how lovely his presence is in our life:
I hope you will enjoy. It documents his first year right up to before his first bday... (which btw was VERY special.) :)
So, Nathan, who is my sick 9 year old-- we still have to see an actual remission from him. He is taking pills, and gone off steroids, and gone back on them, to be weaning to the final dosage now. I have started him on a gluten-free diet, and hope to see SOMETHING go in to a positive direction. ... planning on adding "Essential Oils", too. . . At least he is a good sport when it comes to not giving up in his running-- he gets very frustrated with his Crohn's though. :- /
I have to say. . . no matter the family values, or what you have going on in your family, dealing with a sick child takes a TOLL on you. On all the members. This has been my breaking point. Several times since my last posts, I have been wondering where God is. Is He listening to me? Does He even care? Why is this happening to me and nothing seems to change? TIRING? ABSOLUTELY!
I realize that what if this is St. John of the Cross's "dark night of the soul"? Uhhhh... Lord? Maybe come back then? That's how I feel. I know that many struggle with a whole lot of worser things than me. But it's still a challenge. Especially since I still homeschool throughout it all. Do I have to get up in the morning? IS it really past the latest time I can sleep?
I know that there are people who have gone before us and done it. I read this amazing book, called "QUOTABLE SAINTS" by Rhonda De Sola Chervin, which gives a lot of encouragement. But, I am still here, and still on the journey, still hurting and waiting for a drink of cold water and a rest. Why must the Good Lord push us so? I truly believe in redemptive suffering, for if we are to die with Christ in order to rise again with Him, it must count for something. We must all walk our own "Little Calvary" in a sense. You may or may not agree, but our suffering cannot go to waste. Other words, our prayers are useless as well.
Here are some of my favorite quotes I have leaned on recently.
"Do something good for someone you like least, today." ~ St. Augustine
"Without work, it is impossible to have fun." ~ St Thomas Aquinas
"He that complains or murmurs is not perfect, nor is he a good Christian." ~ St. John of the Cross
"We should not engage in fruitless or controversial discussions." ~ St. Basil
"Disorder in society is the result of disorder in the family." ~ St. Angela Merici
"Christ made my soul beautiful with the jewels of grace and virtue. I belong to Him whom the angels serve." ~St. Agnes
"Let us learn to cast our hearts into God." ~ St. Bernard
"Anything that does not lead you to God is a hindrance." Root it out and throw it far from you!"
~ Venerable Jose Escriva
"I am concealing Myself [Christ] from you, so that you can discover by yourself what you are without Me." ~ St. Margaret of Cortona
This last one hits me hard every time I feel He left me. We aren't anything without Our Precious Lord. But we are so stubborn, aren't we? That we dare to think we can take care of ourselves. It's a tough one for sure, but we have to know even in our roughest moments, that although it appears He has forsaken us --- even Jesus felt that way, as He cried out on the Cross--- he is only awaiting the moment of Glory-- through us --solely for Himself. That's hard to accept, especially since we are proud, trying to be humble!
I hear all the time how lovely my kids are. Its a snapshot, usually. But not one of our regular struggles at home. I have to laugh in honesty when people compliment us because I know. I "KNOW" the truth, haha. It hurts sometimes, but we all have it. The Truth is available to everyone who accepts it, of course, but we also know our "truth". That is where God tests us I believe. Can we walk away and attempt to continue to change? Or do we fall into despair and circle around ourselves getting nowhere like a dog who chases his tail?
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| photo from Wikipedia |
I hope that you are all well. I hope that you can be lifted up to enjoy this Christmas Season. We all struggle, but PEACE is coming. Its so close. We must prepare the Way for The Lord. Make straight His Paths. Let's cast our troubles onto Him, and take rest in His Peace. I know I will have to do the same. We must strive for holiness. And that comes from TRYING; He knows our hearts.
God Bless you. Check back, as I will have an Advent Post in a few days.
You can also check out my post on Preparing for the Savior. You will enjoy it.
Holy Motherhood! *So let there be children!*: How am I preparing for Jesus' Coming/Christmas?#links
J. M. J.
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