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This is my family. Yes, there are 9 children. 2 of them are special needs. One has Downs and one has severe Crohn's. Some people call me crazy. Some people say I'm nuts. Many say that We are blessed and they are beautiful. Some people assume we are either Catholic or close-to-Amish. I will tell them we are Catholic. Birth control by synthetic chemical hormones is an obvious NO. My husband would never ask me to mutilate or manipulate my body to avoid one of these blessings.
In honor of the week of the March for Life I want to give my testimony. Some of this information is personal.
I became a mom at 19. I made a "choice" to break some rules and wasn't easy for parents once upon a time. That "choice" lead to my Genevieve being conceived and born. I married. I was in college and my husband was working at the place only God would've known would pave the path to where we are today.
I was working and going to school. We had moved into an apartment and were learning what it was like to pay our bills. We were on Medicaid. Thank God for that program because it helped us keep our feet on the ground. It wasn't shameful to be on it. We didn't use food stamps. We chose to work hard and keep ourselves as independent as possible. Maynard worked for Firestone and eventually we began saving in a 401k. It was hard to see part of our paycheck going away into those savings because we could've used it..... to buy more stuff, probably. But, we kept saving.
Three months after Genevieve was born, Thaddaeus was on his way. I didn't listen to the doctor when he warned me that if I don't use birth control, then I "better not get caught with [my]pants down." Nor did I listen to the advice from other people to get on birth control. It's not what Catholics do, because of our beliefs. I had a scary time being pregnant with Thad. I almost lost him 3 times, once being rushed 1.5 hours away to a special hospital for preemies. He was finally safely born at 37 weeks, while the nurse told me in the same time I was there, that I should at least use condoms with my husband. I was in complete shock.
After our Camille was delivered by a doctor who "chose" to force my labor when I should've been sent home, and we were encouraged to consider a vasectomy for Maynard. And I was reassured tying my tubes would be great. Camille was born, and for 15 agonizing moments, I yearned to hold her for the first time. Nothing was wrong, the doctor just "chose" that she should have her keepsake cards made and shots and everything else first. Maynard didn't even get to cut her cord. In less than a week, this forced-birthed baby was in the hospital not breathing at times (apnea) with a serious case of jaundice that at was at brain damaging levels. I had to take off from my college classes. My professors were so good to me that I was able to finish with a 4.0, and not be dropped. Through intense prayers Camille is fine today.
Nathan came along with my children around his birth. He was a wonderful baby. Unbeknownst to us, his healthy days would be numbered, for he would develop severe Crohn's disease at the age of 8. Nathan was the happiest baby, and melted my heart. We bought our own house just before and that was a huge accomplishment. We were still working hard, I was staying at home, and we still paid our own bills. We had some help at Christmastime once in a while. But we were a happy growing family. Then I was hit with reproductive trouble.
Mary was my miracle baby in 2007. I was somewhat reproductively compromised when I actually conceived her. I was told by doctors to avoid pregnancy, but because of my Faith, I could only do what I could do, and she well, came along. I began what looked like a miscarriage for several days as we waited for tests to show she was still hanging on. The specialist and my office could not say what was going on. She came through tough as nails and was born in the Feast of the Ascension, Maynard allowed to deliver her surrounded by our kids and my niece and sister in law. She was a gift from God because we kept Him in charge. In Him all things are possible.
Peter was a little unplanned surprise. It was the longest ever that I had not been pregnant again after a previous baby. God gave me his name a long time prior and I knew he was special. We were always afraid to mention our newest pregnancies because of the cronyism we always received. It was hard to be excited when many weren't. It was like you could see sometimes on people's faces a sheer annoyance that we kept having children. Maynard told me, "God has a plan for him! He is going to do something great!" Peters dream is to be a Priest like his Uncle and ride fast cars until he must become poor. 😇
Elizabeth Hope is our #prolife baby. Her story is one I share to the only the closest of the close to me. I am not certain I will share completely-- on Facebook--, but I will enough info for the sake of the testimony. When I was searching the Holy Spirit for her name, I came up empty so many times. I didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant. In fact, I dreaded it. I was happy at first, but when the reality set it that I would have to tell someone who wouldn't be as happy for me, I felt sick. If I could just.... not have gotten pregnant. Yes. I felt so burdened by the worlds opinions by now that I didn't think I had the strength to deal with anymore criticism, birth control advice, and especially the disgusted look by many. I fell into a deep emotions depression. Turmoil. Complete and utter blankness. WHY did I have to get pregnant!? Maybe. Just maybe birth control wouldn't be so bad. But no. I didn't want that either. Deep inside, all I wanted was SUPPORT AND to share my JOY , which was being suppressed, with others. This was a turning point for me. This had to be the WORST pregnancy ever. Or so I thought.... until God spoke to me. Until the Blessed Mother came to me.
That year, in the Mass, many of the readings while I was pregnant were about Elizabeth, the cousin of Mary, and Mary. Through this, it was revealed to me that this baby was going to be very special and God would be faithful to me through her. He showed me something that will forever strike me as deep, perceptive, intimate and overwhelming. I realized that the anxiety I was having was so intense that in these circumstances, these unsure and uncertain moments, these moments of fear and such lack of support and joy from others bring women to the deadly abortion table. I was so overcome with sorrow and hurt, emotional pain and agonizing helplessness for women like me at that moment that I could understand. I felt what they felt. I knew what they knew. And all we wanted was for someone to embrace us, the way Mary did with her cousin Elizabeth. I knew my argument was Shown by God in his creation that the UNBORN KNOW HIM. When St. John leaped in Elizabeth's womb at the sound of Mary's greeting, I knew TWO important things: Mary is the Mother of God, pure and holy, and that she was so important to God's plan He needed her. He needed her in such a way that He would not otherwise have come to us if it weren't for her womb and al that it entails. She literally fed and nurtured the God that saves us. And I knew that the unborn recognize the voice of Mary, and with her, the presence of Christ is with her. And that Christ is recognizable to the unborn. And for this reason, all life in the womb is sacred, and holy, and purposeful, and deliberate. I as long realized that there is such lack of joy for the life within the womb that we must do something to reassure women that THEY MATTER. And that their babies MATTER. And that in these moments of new life must not be swept away by the opinion of the world, or the lack of support for the world has lost its grasp on the gift of life.
I knew that Elizabeth Hope was God's message to me. Her middle name represents the Hope that is lost in the cases of so many women when an unplanned pregnancy hits them. Hope is what we have in Christ for all those who made a "choice" to be burdened by life enough to snuff it out, or who have forgotten the JOY that should replace heartache. Hope is the name of our Lady when she can bring us to Jesus, like she did with Elizabeth and John. Hope is what my daughter will bring sometime in her future calling. She is my #prolife baby. And she is the sweetest, most gentle, joyful, amazing child. I do not take for granted my children, or Elizabeth. I know have no more baby girls. My womb has not ever gone this long without a new baby girl. My heart feels for the barren, in a way. I long for another little girl. Elizabeth wishes she could have a baby sister. The greatest message I recieved from Elizabeth's coming was that the very children who make a difference are the ones who impact you the greatest. Other mothers who abort have no idea what difference this one child could make. They have no idea what they are throwing away. They have no idea that there is HOPE.
Sebastian came after I dreamed of losing a baby within the first 15 weeks of pregnancy. Somehow Saint Faustina played a roll in teaching me this. I don't know how, but, perhaps she was the intercessor here. I had a VERY DETAILED dream that left in me in tears when I awoke. I had been pregnant in my dream and miscarried. But somehow there was this hope that I could save the baby. I could see his legs, arms, fingers, etc. I held his body in my hand, weeping terribly. I wept because I was wondering how he'd make me smile, or laugh, or what amazing talent he may have. I wept because I was missing his life within mine. At that time I realized what God telling me. Keeping God from creating life was going to prevent such gifts bestowed upon me or the world. I knew that if we had chosen to abstain at the time would cause me great sorrow when one day God would reveal to me the times I "chose" to control my own life, and what joy I'd missed because of it. I told my husband I felt we must listen and allow God to work if He so chose. I found out I was pregnant within the month. I was expecting it, but still in shock in a way because I was solely trusting in God and what I felt He communicated to me. It makes me tear up writing this now, because I see where He would expect the same from me after Sebastian was born.
Sebastian came after a healthy pregnancy, at 36.5 weeks. I had wondered if he was going to be healthy because I had a sense something didn't seem right. I never would have guessed that after a dream to cooperate with God, I'd give birth to a beautiful boy with Down Syndrome. And to this day, (tears!) I could never had imagined the sorrow Id feel to live without him. He showed me the gift of a child I'd long to save to be with me before He even created him. It was a perfect cooperation with God that brought a purely deliberate and intentional creation to me. This is how I know that God knew Sebastian before He created him within my womb. He was dedicated before He was with me. Another #prolife moment. Keep in mind: 9/10 of babies with Downs are aborted simply because they have the diagnosis of the extra chromosome.
I could share the message of what took place throughout the NICU with Sebastian, but that is for another post. This little angel's full name is Sebastian James. He was given to me by the powerful intercession of our Lady, the Immaculata. Again, for another post. But, in the moment I realized I could not control things, and that God asked me to trust Him, (going back to my dream), He chose to do one more thing: speak to me yet again. 2 Cor. 4:17 says, "For this light, momentary affliction is preparingfor us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." Sebastian was born at 4:17. God spoke to me through his word, at my request to tell me something encouraging, thanks to my sister in law.
Cajetan John-Raphael is my last baby as of now. His name literally means, "Rejoice! God has shown favor and healed!" His birth was a miracle. Something I could've never imagined ... I prayed my entire pregnancy that God would give me a joyful birth to replace the heartache I felt after Sebastian was born and the long NICU stay, which ailed my momma heart.... I prayed that the delivery would be "uneventful" and that I would be able to hold my baby for as long as I wanted and he wouldn't have to be rushed away without me. My heart wouldn't be able to bear that again. My labor was easy and my delivery miraculously beautiful! I was able to deliver him myself and it was complete. Conception to birth, I brought him forth to myself. And that boy wanted his momma. My heart was healed. Sebastian had been blessed with a sibling, ever worthy of one of a child deserved one. My children were elated.
My choices weren't always easy, and my family isn't mine because they were all MY CHOICES. It is what is because of what GOD CHOSE. Each one of these little blessings taught me something: that whether it was an opportune time to be pregnant, and the struggles with each, when there were some, helped me to appreciate another aspect of someone else's circumstance. It taught me compassion. It taught me that God Has plans only He could know, and that what we view as a mistake He can use for a miracle. He taught me that I don't have to be in control in order to bring success and greatness into my life. He taught me that my plans are not my own, but His to chose ultimately for me. He taught me that when I let go, and give it to Him, and when I trust His voice, He will not fail me. Though there may be trials, I can count it all joy..... He is gracious to bless me (and us!) with perseverance and wisdom, strength and courage to take on the unknown, so that He might be glorified. This is my #prolife testimony. If any of my children were snuffed out by abortion, I can guarantee it wouldn't be the same. I couldn't choose which ones I'd rather live without. Each of them teach me. Each of them teach me to love deeper.
CHOICE is a gift, sure. But there are poorly made choices, and choices made in faith. CHOICE can be wrong or right, good or bad, yielding to consequence or success. For those who know me, I know you would say you cannot imagine my choices being different. And I'd have to agree. Please come to realize what importance your choices are. Choices have either a benefit or a loss. Choose wisely. You wouldn't want to be left wondering, "What if...?"
My prayer is that those women out there contemplating abortion, stop and think.... not about whether they will or will not get that degree on time (I chose to put my education in hold, and can now revisit that opportunity soon!), or think about that wedding date they cannot (but could) change, that job they think will be compromised if they kept that baby, but to think of the life awaiting if they'd make a choice to see where life takes them for a change.... not where they take their life. Let the flower bloom. Everyday it gets more exciting.... there won't always be joy and happiness; sometimes there are tears. But life isn't set for easiness. It's set to be on fire with compassion, love, and life to the fullest. Give the unborn a chance to make a life for you. All you need to do is let them take the wheel, or the womb, actually. They have ways of changing your world; THIS WORLD.
Peace and hope be with you all. Thank you for reading. Please like and share! Spread the message of hope!
#JMJ
#holymotherhood
#sebastiansgift
#prolife
#trustinHim
#lettheunborntakebacktheirwomb
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