Life Lessons, Tests, and Asking Him for Help---

To A:

 

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Today I realize I am still overwhelmed with what life I have in my vocation. I cant seem to accomplish enough fast enough, homeschooling has its days, and I'm anxious about my 8-year old son, who is going through a serious procedure for his age, right now.  I have my adorable 5-1/2 month old baby boy Sebastian, with Down's, treating him for a colon infection, and my 8-year old seems to have a chronic ailment. too.  I know many mommas feel like they cant handle one more thing: it's like the JENGA tower we have so much fun building, and playing, except, in life, the anxiety of pulling that make-or-break piece, is a gamble with comfort, lifestyle, you name it.  I feel like I am the tower, (In a way, us mommas are the ones that support all the rest of "those" kiddos and husbands), and if one more piece comes out, I'm going to tumble.  I try to encourage myself, but most moms need support.  We can lean on God for anything, even though we sometimes don't want to. . . because we'd rather try to handle it ourselves. 

 

We aren't always equipped well enough to train ourselves to turn to God, and its hard sometimes.  Especially in the most turbulent times.  I think of Christ calling Peter out onto the Sea, at this moment.  Peter trusted God, he truly wanted to, but his humanity got the better of him.  The storm is in full force, the boat is rocking violently back and forth, and we scramble not knowing what to do, or how to embrace the unknown of what will happen if things don't change. We are caught in our moments of distress.  I am right now, and I know I am not the only one.

 

We must remember to cry out to Christ, "Save Me!"  It takes a lot of humility and recognition of who we are as children, to call on the Lord. A lot of times, and I know I do this, too, is forget in the heated moment of anxiety, we must surrender. How hard can that be? But it is. Its very hard sometimes, especially if we have a few weak spots in our rooting. Like a slippery footing, for example. We have a great hold on, but one weak footing that allows us to slip, and try to fend for ourselves, forgetting the One who is there already to reach out and pull us back. "[We] that have such little Faith" in Him, in these times. . . You see how easy it is to get wrapped up in our own battle for control of the situation. Christ does reach out, though. He pulls us out of the pits of fear and death when we call on Him. Some of you will read this, and it will be hard to accept. Mostly because we are so enveloped in our anxiety that we cannot detach ourselves and find it a rational solution to pray, or we feel like prayer will not work. But, this is just like when a child asks and pleads his mother or father for help on some math problem that appears to be beyond our own understanding at the moment, and the child looks hopeful that we can help. And in doing so, by asking, the child realizes he in fact knows what to do, and continues to work at it.  (We may realize we know too, what to do, after-the-fact.) I think we should be like that, like the child. The only difference, is God is invisible to most of us, and we shut the door to asking for help, period. The remedy is BELIEVING He will help us. That makes all the difference. Hard, but its the truth. 

 

Another aspect of this truth, which I've said before on this blog, is that it's the hardest thing HUMANLY possible to trust completely in God's Will. We must HOPE in His help. I'm definitely a Peter these days.  I want Him to pull me out of this difficulty, and have some kind of "normal and yes, boring" living again.

 

I had to tell Nathan this for the past couple of months, and perhaps I should truly take to heart my own advice to him: "God is only asking us to suffer this little bit, for right now. . .We can offer it up with Him to save souls.  We have to persevere, so that He can truly use it, and HE MAY BE BUILDING US UP FOR SOMETHING GREATER IN OUR LIFE, through this."

 

Amen, God help me to continue to persevere! If I could only have a moment within his reach, or within His arms, I would be alright.  Christ be with me, today and forever, and help me through my troubles. 

I hope this finds you encouraged again, too.

 

 

J.M.J.